3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
4) We must polish the Polish furniture..
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
7) Since there is no time like the present, he
thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his
sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There
is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t
fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is
teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose,
2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but
one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I
think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the
verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a
recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which
you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going
English was invented by people, not computers, and
it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race
at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? _______________________________
And last ... (drumroll):
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. _______________________________
____________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) wasAugust 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid. ____________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________
_______________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _______________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. _______________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _______________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _______________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________
These are from a book calledDisorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published bycourt reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. __________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! __________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. __________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No , I just lie there. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Thismyasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?__________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever done voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do.. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes , voodoo. __________________________________
Researchers at Toshiba’s Akimu Robotic Research Institute were thrilled ten months ago when they successfully programmed Kenji, a third generation humanoid robot, to convincingly emulate certain human emotions. At the time, they even claimed that Kenji was capable of the robot equivalent of love. Now, however, they fear that his programming has taken an extreme turn for the worst.
“Initially, we were thrilled to see a bit of our soul come alive in this so called ‘machine,’” said Dr. Akito Takahashi, the principal investigator on the project. “This was really the final step for us in one of the fundamentals of the singularity.”
“Despite our initial enthusiasm, it has become clear that Kenji’s impulses and behavior are not entirely rational or genuine,” conceded Dr. Takahashi.
Ever since that incident, each time Kenji is re-activated, he instantaneously bonds with the first technician to meet his gaze and rushes to embrace them with his two 100kg hydraulic arms. It doesn’t help that Kenji uses only pre-recorded dog and cat noises to communicate and is able to vocalize his love through a 20 watt speaker in his chest.
I am sorry for everything I said last week about George Zimmerman, and his "stupidity." It has recently come to my attention how stupid I can be ... I guess stupid people should not only not be allowed to have guns, but I now have to add into that ownership of a car.
Before my dog died she said .... "ruff." ... She had no idea ....
Matthew 7 [ Judging Others ] For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do notnotice the log that is in your own eye? ...
we finally learned how to use IM to chat with each other ... now if we can teach Paul....
The Eph. 4:11 ministry gifts work at last!
...with a "little help" from apostolic oversight
just "hangin" out!
the Wonderful Advantage of Having Big Sisters
Dontcha feel the luuuvv?
Can you relate to this?
Never give up ... L.P. on Rio de Janeiro (there is always cheap cachaça), D.H. fighting against cancer and overcoming nausea and learning that bald is beautiful while smiling non-stop, M.H. starting a business a third world country... C.M. getting into film making without going bankrupt, B.D. looking for a job... B.D. looking for a job, S.M looking for a job to support C.M so that he can make it in film making without going broke, J.M. learning to be nice to people she does not like (don't give up, girl!), oh...did I mention B.D. looking for a job? J.H. (the younger) selling 50 pieces of art in a week and making manager, J.H. (Joe the elder but not quite "the White" just yet) getting a Ph.D while devoting 50 hours a week to blogging, K.W. finding her signficant other, H.H. getting along with her significant other, T.M. getting over her formerly significant other, C.W. mastering Algebra and becoming a psychologist, young J., evading eternal damnation in spite of obsessing over multiple sins, large and small (mostly small--think Martin Luther), all my grad friends finishing their theses, keeping their sanity and finding lucrative jobs, C.G. survivng her first semester in the LACC grad program reading two books a week in her 2nd language, Dr. J. putting up with all the acadmic bureaucracy while mothering hist. grad students, E.Y. getting married by the end of the year (economically), J.K avoiding getting in big trouble in DC and finding her way back to her "peeps" in Miami, I.A. finding people to go out partying and drinking with him every night of the week, M.G. finding the courage to ask someone out on a date, M.R. getting a career other than cooking without going over the top with his bp,. and etc. etc. As Winston Churchill once said, "Never give up, Never. never, never never give up!"
Bad hair day in Spain
This is what happens when I am forced to wait for room service to deliver my coffee...by-the-way,I am actually wearing gym shorts in this photo if it makes you feel better
PETE!!! Is that YOU????
How to support your friends when they are going through changes