Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A good deal on a talking dog

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Bassett Hound sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the dog replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Bassett Hound looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff......

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Muffin talk

There were two muffins in the oven, and one said to the other, "Good Lord! it is HOT in here!"

The other muffin said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!"

The Ladies Room

the sign on the Ladies Room door said "PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!"

Friday, August 7, 2009

Clinton's next mission

Monologue | Aired Wednesday night on “The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” on CBS:

Bill Clinton is back in America after going to North Korea and freeing two journalists. To be fair, it wasn’t difficult for Bill. He’s used to sneaking women out of government buildings.

They landed in L.A. this morning. And it is quite a contrast between North Korea and L.A. One’s a cruel place, filled with soulless people who are despised by most Americans. And of course, the other one is North Korea.

Now that he’s freed the journalists, Bill Clinton’s next mission is get Paula Abdul back on “American Idol.”

The White House made it clear that, although Bill Clinton met with a world leader, he in no way speaks for the President of the United States. It’s the same disclaimer they use when Joe Biden travels.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Accidental Suicide

Don't start something you can't finish; AND look before you leap.

R U Ready to Make the Commitment?

R U Ready to Make the Commitment?