Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Every morning in Africa

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
it doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Let's boogie baby!

my life is going to the birds....

U2 concert

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, lead singer Bono asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet... "Well, foockin' stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!"

-- courtesy of the counselor

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

What Sex is Your Computer?

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, ismasculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups,male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer"should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers isincomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory forpossible later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spendinghalf your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time theyARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited alittle longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

You stay out of this! I'm talkin to that little dummy...

A young ventriloquist was touring the clubs, and one night he's doing a show in a small town in New Zealand.

With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual routine of dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting...

..."I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching their full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, but the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee

Friday, October 5, 2007

Shit Creek

Ever been to this store?

shit creek paddles

I seem to spent a lot of time there....

R U Ready to Make the Commitment?

R U Ready to Make the Commitment?