IDIOT SIGHTINGS

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two."


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dealership in Canton , Mississippi

Government Health Warning

DO NOT SWALLOW CHEWING GUM!

Need help?

Saw a billboard that said,

"Need help, call Jesus."
1-800-005-3787

...Out of curiosity I did.

'A Mexican showed up with a tow truck.'

Who is your favorite stand-up comedian?

My wife and I watched Robin Williams in "Live on Broadway" the other day and despite some of the vulgarity, we laughed our heads off. He is a comic genius...but my all-time favorite is still Bill Cosby's "Turning 49."

who is your favorite comedian?

Clem, the pipe and the mule -- a mouthful!

A farmer was plowing his field with his mule. Most of the day, the mule plowed straight furrows, but toward the end of the day, the mule began to plow erratically. The farmer stopped and went around and noticed that the mules eyes were crossed. The farmer called his helper, Clem, and said, “Clem, run up to the house and call the vet.”

The vet arrived within the hour and looked at the mule. He said, “I see what the problem is…do you have a length of pipe?” The farmer said, “Clem, run up to the barn and get that 3 foot length of pipe and bring it here.”

Clem brought the pipe and handed it to the vet. The vet took the pipe and stuffed it into the rear end of the mule and began to puff on it. As he blew into the pipe, the mule’s eyes began to slowly straighten out. Finally, the vet said, “there you are, that will be $100.” The farmer paid him and the vet left.

The farmer went back to plowing. At first the mule plowed straight furrows. After about an hour though, the furrows began getting erratic again. The farmer went around and saw that the mule’s eyes were crossed again. This time the farmer said, “I ain’t payin no vetenenarian $100 to do what I can do just as well. Clem! Run back up there and fetch me that there pipe!”

Clem brought him the pipe and the famer stuck it into the mule’s rear again, and began to blow on the pipe… but as hard has he blew, he could not quite get the mule’s eyes straight out again. Finally he said, “Clem, I’m out of breath, try puffin on this here pipe for a while.” Clem started to blow on the end of the pipe, and looked at the farmer, and then pulled out the pipe and turned it around and stuck it in the other end and started to blow on it. The farmer said, “Clem, what the heck are you doin?” Clem said, “I ain’t a going to put my lips where you have had your mouth!”

Double Your Money

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Cowboy Wisdom

No tree is too big for a short dog to lift his leg on.

A drunk in a cemetery

A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave.
Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here", said the
one in the grave, "I'm cold". The other one looked over the edge and said,
"No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you".