Everybody knows that cuckoos live in clocks

Sally, a contestant on a game show, had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. And as she suspected, the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was:

Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:

A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: 'That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.'

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, 'C: The cuckoo.'

'Is that your final answer?'
'Yes, that is my final answer.'
'That answer is absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!'

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. 'Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you, ' said the contestant. 'How did you happen to know the right answer?'

'Oh, come on,' said the blonde. 'Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks.'

Sally fainted.

bat man

a bit of brand confusion ...

Why boys need mothers 1

DUDE! How can you not go for it!

‘Shows How Little I Know’

Monologue | Aired Thursday night on NBC: Hey, last night at a fundraiser in Beverly Hills, people paid $30,000 to attend a dinner and a discussion with President Barack Obama. The subject of the discussion? The struggling economy.

Let me tell you something, if you spend $30,000 on dinner, aren’t you legally a Republican at this point? I think so.

There were actually two fundraisers last night — a higher priced celebrity dinner and a second, cheaper dinner. See, that’s what I love about L.A. Even when we all come together as one nation to support our leader and face the most difficult challenges, you never forget that there’s always an A-list and a B-list.

In fact, you know who was there? Kiefer Sutherland. I saw him down there. His job was to head-butt Joe Biden if he got near a microphone.

Oh, you see that video online of the wind knocking down Joe Biden’s teleprompter at the Air Force graduation? See, that’s when you know you’re talking to too much — when even Mother Nature goes, “Shut up. Okay? Just shut up.”

The big story here in California — the Supreme Court has decided to uphold the ban on gay marriage. However, gay unions are still legal. See, that shows how little I know about this subject. I didn’t even know gay people had their own union.

Well, actually, according to a new Gallup poll, 52% of people say they’re opposed to gay marriage, 45% of people say they’re in favor of it. That means the remaining 3% are for gay rights, they just hate going to weddings.

Jaegerbombs and Sarah Palin

Monologue | Aired Monday night on NBC: Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin resigned yesterday, and during her speech, she was heckled. Apparently, it was just someone in Russia yelling, “Keep it down over there!”

In her final speech as Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin compared herself to a grizzly bear. Her exact words were, “I have the public speaking ability of a grizzly bear.”

To ease tensions, President Obama has invited Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and the police officer who arrested him to join him for a beer at the White House. And if that works out, Obama’s going to have Ahmadinejad and Netanyahu over for Jaegerbombs.

President Obama is hosting a delegation of 150 Chinese officials in Washington. Among the questions the Chinese have for the U.S.: “What’s your military policy? What is your stance on global warming? And where’s our money?”

Critics of the federal stimulus plan say that millions of dollars are being wasted on fixing up bathrooms at our national parks. They may be right, because, this week, they turned Old Faithful into a bidet.

Youth culture = imbecility; Craig Ferguson

Last year I took a research seminar on the history of children and childhood with Dr. Friedman. It was actuall quite good.

below is a bit of wisdom from late-night host Craig Ferguson ... he is actually right on the money. Enjoy!

abuse of authority, race and class.

my apologies if this offends anyone, but I think this lady has style, and that she has a point. She is witty and funny, and is addressing issues of power as well as class and race. She is what Antonio Gramsci would call an "organic intellectual." I want to give her a hearing on this format. I got this off the CNN website.

How do country Italians tell time?

just lift and gently squeeze the donkey's balls... it works every time!

another Eskimo baptism gone bad

wassup?

The Italian Tomato Garden

An Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The father wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me like in the old days. Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie
At 4 o‘clock the next morning, FBI agents and police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the father received another letter from his son:

Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. I love you, Vinnie

text mgs in history

Breasts

In memory of anyone you know that has
Been struck down by cancer or is still living with it.
A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting another Candle