Pithy one-liners

On the other hand, you have different fingers

aging gracefully

U2 Concert

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, lead singer Bono asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet... "Well, foockin' stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!"

From the church bulletin

--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
- -------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.
------------------------

Pithy one-liners

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Cat in the ceiling fan

chatty monk

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, "Food bad."
Ten years later, he says, "Bed hard."
It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, "I quit."
"I’m not surprised," the head monk says. "You’ve been complaining ever since you got here."

Power Tools for men - blower

When is a good time to use the "F" word?

Why Boys need moms

Pithy one-liners

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.