When to use the "F" -bomb ....

Hi friends,

My friend Billy Long just posted some hilarious “Billy Longisms” on his blog:

OUT OF THE BOX

Here is just one example: "One fellow told me he did not want to sound self-defecating."
Enjoy,

JH

‘Two Brain Trusts’

Monologue | Monday night on “The Jay Leno Show” on NBC: Thank you for coming on the Ides of March. You know, this is March 15. It was on this day in 44 B.C., Julius Caesar met his end. He was stabbed in the back by members of the Senate, ironically, while pleading for health care

Chuck Norris turns 70

"Chuck Norris is so fast he can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together. "

ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how
many kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of
Boobs:
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,


'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?.
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear,
a man goes through three phases.
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak
tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch,
flexible but reliable.
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'