How To Drive Like A Floridian....

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Florida driver never uses them.

man on the moon?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

pearls before swine....

Writer Dorothy Parker and U.S. Representative Claire Booth Luce bumped into each other entering a restaurant.

"Age before beauty," Luce sniffed, stepping aside.

"And pearls before swine," answered Parker as she walked past.

Change your friends!

A French citizen approached President Charles de Gaulle and said, "My friends are not content with your policies."

"Well," de Gaulle answered, "change your friends."

Everyone seems normal...

Ain't it the truth?

Even God is not that busy

Suffragist Julia Ward Howe tried to enlist Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner in the case of a person who needed help. "Julia, I've become so busy I can no longer concern myself with individuals," Sumner said. Howe replied, "Even God hasn't reached that stage yet" (Chris Lamb, 2007).

Haunting questions....

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
- Courtesy of Billy Long

Dr. Sam's new web site

hey Check out my friend Dr. Sam's new web site .... http://www.drsam.tv/

I hope you will check it out ... Dr. Sam has majorly helped my wife and I and our children over the last few years. He has innovated certain kinesthetic and nuero-linguistic programing techniques that are amazingly effective.

Street signs in Sparta

I'm in a '300' kind of mood....I want to kick someone's ass...

why God gave women two hands

Can we end this stupid thing?

LENO: Aired Wednesday night on NBC: Hey, this Sunday is Mother’s Day. Now, if you haven’t gotten your mom a gift yet, can’t go wrong with a gallon of gasoline, huh? It’s a little pricey, but, hey, you only got one mom, you know?

Well, yesterday, Barack Obama soundly beat Hillary Clinton in North Carolina by 14 points. And in Indiana, Hillary Clinton won. So you know what this means? No and neither do I. And I don’t care anymore. I’m fed up, O.K.? I don’t care who wins. Can we end this stupid thing?

it’s O.K. with me, but you got to run it by Cheney

Aired Thursday night on CBS: So here is what happened on Tuesday. Hillary Clinton barely won my home state of Indiana. And she lost in the state of North Carolina. But here is the good news. She has a substantial lead in the state of denial.
I’m no pundit, but it occurred to me that Hillary Clinton has one thing in common with President Bush. Neither of them has an exit strategy.

Now here’s what I don’t understand about government and politics and stuff like that. Earlier today President Bush asked Congress to O.K. an additional $50 billion for his daughter’s wedding.
This weekend at the Bush family ranch, one of President Bush’s daughters will be getting married. And I thought this was cute. The groom went to President Bush and asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage. And President Bush said, “Well, it’s O.K. with me, but you got to run it by Cheney.”
Everybody is helping out with the big Jenna Bush wedding. As a matter of fact right now, Dick Cheney is waterboarding the groom. - Letterman

think before you speak...

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,

'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'

I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

World Religions

This probably explains it all:

I think I'll keep drinking ...