ALERTS TO THREATS
IN 2013 EUROPE

From JOHN CLEESE

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

A thief in Paris...

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.When asked how he could mastermind such A crime and the make such an obvious error, he replied,

'Monsieur, That is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas To make the Van Gogh.'

(and you thought I didn't have De Gaulle To send this on to someone else--well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse)