Big Ass Grill

Creative landscaping

They say a "picture is worth a thousand words." Landscaping might just be worth a chapter in a book!

ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how
many kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of
Boobs:
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,


'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?.
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear,
a man goes through three phases.
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak
tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch,
flexible but reliable.
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'

Three women naked in the sauna

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.

THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER, SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM'

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.
WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE, I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.
SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID...................' WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT.....I'M GETTING A FAX!!'

--- Courtesy of Clare